Needtobreathe is a hard act to follow, but I'll try to keep you laughing. As always.
I have been single for 20 years. 20. two-zero.
Now mind you I am only 20 years old, but for all 20 of those years I have spent them single.
S-I-N-G-L-E.
In those 20 years I have realized that there are some things that will keep you single if you don't watch out. I mean seriously, it is so clear to me now why I have stayed single all these years.
Number 1: I was (and my parents would not agree with this) NOT cute until around age oh, I don't know...TWENTY; and even now it takes me some time to make something of myself.
I am not saying that I was too ugly to be "taken" but what I am saying is that my self esteem was lowered..by my not-cuteness, therefore I was shy and could never make conversation with people, including guys. ESPECIALLY guys.
Number 2: I have always been desperate (I think..) but whenever a potential suitor comes around I act like a freaking mole and bury myself into the ground and act like I don't care, and I get nervous and get socially awkward all of the sudden (which is weird, because I am in no way socially awkward) What is with that? No one wants to date a mole. Or groundhog; pick your poison.
Number 3: I rarely in my 20 years have had many male friendships. How does one expect to obtain a boyfriend while only hanging out with women? I do not know, ask the shy part of my soul. I have been shocked, all the time that I am single and yet I do not put myself out there.
The other magpie and myself will be out somewhere, a coffee shop for example, and joke about leaving our number on a guys table, or leaving our number on the check at a restaurant. Do I ever do it? NO. I don't. What's the worst that could happen, they don't call? Or they turn out to be a total creeper?
Ok, that last one I guess would be the worst case scenario, but regardless of all of that, I'm scared to do it.
Number 4: I not only do I not have many male friends, I am straight up rude to guys most of the time. Why? Again, I don't know. They annoy me.
Number 5: I don't think there is a 5th number, but 5 steps toward singleness sounds better than 4.
So there you have it. How to stay single for 20 years. Take it. Breathe it in.
In other news;
I love to go to Barnes and Noble, especially after my college classes at night. A few nights ago I felt a particular pull towards the bookstore do to one thing and one thing only; read Kardashian Konfidential.
Yes, the three sisters that stole our hearts have written a book, and it does not disappoint!
I sat myself in the corner of the bookstore on a hard wooden chair and buried my face in that sucker like it was chocolate cake.
Anyway, I truly enjoyed it and recommend it to any Kardashian lover. It had a wonderful combination of wit, fashion advice and tips and little autobiographies from each Kardashian sister.
Your Magpie,
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